The Dreaded P Word…

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puberty

The dreaded “P” word… puberty…  not just dreaded by special needs parents but also parents of typical children as well. As Joey gets older, it’s obvious that things are changing. Emotions, his body, all things I am NOT ready for… but I know is coming…

Joey has always been typically a happy, go lucky kid, UNLESS you take away his beloved iPad. Lately, I’ve noticed he’s becoming more emotional when his shows/movies end or he doesn’t get his way. Even when he gets sleepy, he’s emotional. He cries more easily, his feelings are getting hurt more often. And pretty much every “word” he’s been saying lately is “argh” which means “no.”

And as for body changes, I’m not going to go there… but I’ve noticed things are definitely changing… he’s growing up right before my eyes.

For special needs parents, these changes can be more difficult to handle. I mean, how do you explain to a non-verbal girl that she’s started her monthly cycle? How frightening to look down and not understand what she would be seeing, I know it was scary for me when I started! (One reason I’m honestly grateful Joey is a boy!)

For me, truthfully, I have NO IDEA how I’m going to handle shaving Joey’s face when he starts growing facial hair. I already know it will have to be with an electric razor. But the battle we have to go through to even cut his hair is horrendous! In the past I’ve done it by strapping Joey into a booster seat, and someone holding down his arms and legs, and I use clippers to buzz his hair. Lately I’ve been plugging in the clippers to an extension cord, sitting on the floor behind Joey, wrapping my legs around him and as he rolls around, fighting me, I do my best to cut his hair at the same time. I really need to have someone video it one of these times…So yeah, no idea how I’m going to shave his face…

It’s been very difficult for me to accept this fact, even though he’s 11 years old and my oldest child, I still think of him as my baby at times. Especially since he’s not fully potty trained and still wearing diapers (pull-ups), still does not talk, and is only 55 pounds.

Just this past month, I had to go buy him deodorant for the first time. He isn’t thrilled about the idea of me lifting up his arms and putting onto his armpits, it’s going decently.

I’ve held off buying books Down syndrome, Autism, and puberty  mostly out of fear. Just last night, I went out to dinner with some of my fellow Down syndrome moms and this topic was brought up. We all have children all the same age so we’re all dealing with it at the same time. That is something I’m grateful for, to have moms that I can relate to and throw ideas around about it.

There’s the fear of him growing up. I’m just not ready to accept it, but I’m doing my best…

The fear of him getting bigger than me.  How am I going to be able to pick him up or handle him at the doctors when he’s bigger and stronger than me?

The fear of the unknown: is he going to speak someday or is he always going to be nonverbal?

The fear of if he starts speaking and wants to find someone to love, will he find love?

So tonight, I opened myself an “adult beverage” and pulled up good old trusty Amazon on my laptop and searched “Down syndrome and puberty.” Two different books came up, “Teaching Children with Down Syndrome about Their Bodies, Boundaries, and Sexuality (Topics in Down Syndrome)” by Terri Couwenhoven and “When Young People with Intellectual Disabilities and Autism Hit Puberty: A Parents’ Q&A Guide to Health, Sexuality and Relationships” by Freddy Jackson Brown and Sarah Brown it’s time to break down and order these to add to my Down syndrome.

So I guess it’s time to accept the fact that my baby is growing up whether I like it or not. Life WILL go on, I WILL get used to this fact and hopefully someday Joey will accept us shaving his face or he can grow a beard and be like the guys on Duck Dynasty!

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