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I’ve decided to add some faith-based posts into my blog. Being a proud Catholic mom, I rely heavily on prayer so I decided it’s time that I share some of my spiritual thoughts with my readers.
As part of my faith journey, I learned more in-depth about Discernment in the Catholic faith. As a special needs mom, I often feel like my life is spiraling out of control (as do most typical moms do at times) but for me, it’s the sorry about the next time Joey will end up in the hospital, if he will ever speak, will he ever eat solid food, and I can forget the will he ever poop on the potty?!
Also as a mom, I really don’t take nearly enough time for myself or even with my husband without children present. I’ve lost touch with a lot of reality and this is something that must change…
After getting as sick as I was for a few months over the winter and going through my trials and tribulations, I had started to lose touch with God. The last two months, I’ve reopened my eyes to God and let him back into my life. It’s been kind of like my own resurrection. It wasn’t that I stopped believing, if anything, I stopped believing in myself…
It was totally fitting that I learned about Discernment today at church and even jotted down some notes I thought I might share with my readers.
- Tell God what it is a desire and what I fear. For me, the fear of the unknown is something I truly struggle with. I fear Joey getting sick and ending up in the hospital. As for what I desire, I desire for Joey to stay healthy and for him to talk. I desire for time alone by myself and also with my husband. I desire inner peace.
- I need to be alone in the presence of God. This I huge, this goes back to what I mentioned before about nothing having time to myself. I could really use some alone time to pray even of its at night before bed for a few minutes.
- Start with what I know before entering into the unknown. Wait for God’s guidance. I’m known for making rash, super quick decisions. I have to remember that God can help guide me. I must work on this…
- Know and believe that God speaks through us through the wisdom of others. Through church, I have met some of the most faith filled, amazing people who I am honored to call them my friends. Their wisdom and support has meant more to me than I can ever put into words.
- Let God speak to me and pay attention when he does so. He can speak through the words of others, through animals, through your own feelings & the feelings of others, other people & their actions, through joy & peace, and even through memories. There are times I ask God for a sign, even if it’s as simple as a bird in our yard, an extra bright star in the night sky, or a butterfly. Perhaps it’s through the homeless person on the street corner or the elderly lady whose smile makes your day. Or maybe it was the person who paid to coffee in line at Dunkin Donuts?
- And I need to trust that God has a plan for me. Again, this goes into my fear of the unknown. I truly must trust in God and His plan for me and my family more than I give Him credit for. The future scares the heck out of me, one huge example: what will happen to Joey when I’m gone?
- I don’t need to scream and yell at God for His attention. He hears me just fine even when I don’t think he does. Whenever Joey is sick and in the hospital suffering, there’s been times I’ve truly been angry with God and asked him why. He may not answer me but I must trust in him.
- I must ask for God’s guidance and pray to do God’s will. This is again something I need to work on, I need to take time to stop and say, “ok God, what should I do? Where should I go?”
- Sometimes people need to have their death on the cross and their own resurrection. I think this happens to me through my struggle with anxiety and depression. Maybe my death on the cross was during my prenatal diagnosis with Joey when I was so depressed and felt so alone. And the resurrection was when Joey was born and I realized things weren’t going to be so bad.
I know my Discernment is going to be an ongoing project and something I will always need to pray and mediate on. I’m so excited for the future and to have learned about this be part of my faith to help open my eyes more and to help me be a better parent and wife.